Wednesday, January 27, 2010
bonus
My grandparent’s house is very expensive. They have a porch with a dog named Skippy. Then you will go to the door and that leads to the living room, kitchen, bathroom, closet, or mud room. Let’s start with the living room. For one, they have this huge wooden block that’s about 20 feet high. There are shelves carved in to it. That’s where all the furniture faces for two reasons. The first one is because the TV is on it and the fire place is on it. Then you can go to the dining area, bathroom, bedroom, closet, or stairs going up stairs. Let’s go into the bedroom it’s an average room, but more stylish. Because my grandma likes everything to be better than normal. Then you lead into the closet where you can see all the good stuff like money, guns, my grandpa’s army uniform hat, and the long johns. Then we go into the bathroom. It has a whirl pool in it. Then above the whirl pool is a set of hidden lights so it glows. Then above the bathroom rests this huge shelf were people from the living room can see a African scene with a green moss.
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You've done a nice job of describing many details of your grandparents' home. Just a couple of things: first, try to vary your transitions. I saw "then" used quite a few times. To liven up your description, I'd love to see a smiley face trick or two. You've got some good details; just work on making them "pop". Finally, keep working on some CX and CD sentences to help the flow of your sentences. (I think I'd like a tour of your grandparents' house!) :)
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